Is it worth to get back with your ex? Relationship advice.
Is it possible to get back previous relationships if you have already parted? In which cases do you have a chance, and in which there is no point in doing this?
When people separate, they think this is the only right decision. But days and weeks pass, and the pain does not cease. At this point, they may have a burning desire to renew past relationships. Is it worth it? Before attempting to get back your ex, answer to the four main questions sincerely to conclude whether your relationship is viable. And if so, you’ll have to try not to make the same mistakes again.
What are the reasons of your separation?
There can be several reasons for parting. It makes no sense to return the relationship if the reasons were:
- love has gone and disappointment and emptiness have come
- you are disappointed in your ex as a sexual partner or she is disappointed in you
- constant betrayal and lie
- aggression, despotism, pathological jealousy, fights.
- abuse of alcohol, drugs, gambling.
All these reasons “kill” the relationship, and it is unlikely that they can be resuscitated. It is possible that your conflict will happen again.
You can make a second attempt if:
- you broke up after the stormy quarrel
- you didn’t understand each other at some points
- you broke up because of resentment, inability to forgive, pride, jealousy, etc., but love is still alive.
- you have realized your mistake and are sincerely ready to change your behavior.
What does make you want to get back with your ex?
Love is not always the driving force when you want to restore a relationship. It can be loneliness, fear, guilt, emptiness or the desire to prove something to someone.
If a close person has filled your life for a long time, but you had to separate, loneliness, emptiness and fear of the something new will replace all previous feelings. And your memory will do a trick: it will show you only happy pictures from the life together, and you will start to forget all the bad things. This is a psychological defense against emotions. All this does not mean that you need to return your ex urgently, this is a natural reaction. This period simply needs to be experienced. You have to fill emptiness in your life immediately, but not with new relationships. During this period, new relations don’t promise anything good.
People, who are inclined to turn aggression on themselves, may experience feelings of guilt and depression. This indicates that the feelings are expressed, but hidden deep inside. It often happens when the separation took place not on your initiative. You may be tormented by the question – maybe I did something wrong? At this point, you may think that it’s only necessary to become better and you will be loved again, and everything will be fine. But this is just an illusion.
Sometimes it happens that people make a decision to start everything from the beginning only because they want to prove something to themselves and others. “I can get her back! I’m still the best!” or “You’re nobody without me, and I’ll prove it to you!”- this is a proof of a wounded pride.
If all this has nothing to do with you, you are definitely moved by love, – go for it!
Question # 3
Are there any confidence and the possibility of a compromise?
Do you respect your partner in spite of the conflict? Do you respect her decision? Are you able to openly talk with her about the causes of the conflict? Are you ready to change yourself? If yes, then you still have a chance.
If you have only the phrases “she should”, “how could she”, “she deserves it”, “I won’t forgive her”, you are clearly not ready for dialogue.
And does she trust you? And is your partner ready for sincerity and compromise?
You can check it. Does she explain to you the causes of the gap? Does she talk about her thoughts and feelings? Does she avoid “unpleasant” topics? Does she show her willingness to change something in herself? If yes – you have a chance. And if she only tells you: “Well, we’re different. We don’t get along very well. We are not meant to be together” – she does not want to be frank with you. She has decided everything for herself. Such relationships are doomed. If your ex can’t be frank with you, you need to forgive and let her go.
Question # 4
Can you meet the main needs of your partner? And can she meet yours?
Find out what the main dissatisfaction that led to parting is. We have different needs; determine which of them are the most important for you and your partner:
- in everyday comfort,
- in parenting,
- in recognizing and enhancing self-esteem,
- in freedom, in leadership,
- in love and frankness,
- in quality diverse sex,
- in full acceptance and absence of claims,
- in material support,
- in spiritual kinship and common interests.
If your needs do not match, think about whether you can satisfy them mutually. In some cases, discrepancies in needs can be negotiated especially if you have a lot in common and if you know how to negotiate.
Relationship advice: how to behave if you decide to get back with your ex
- Forgive yourself and your partner for making mistakes. Pull something good out of your previous experience.
- Do not show despair to a partner, don’t make them feel pity for you; don’t find out who is more guilty.
- Sincerely tell your partner about your deep feelings, express your readiness to meet her wishes.
- Before you start living together again, discuss the nuances of your new relationship. What has hurt you in your previous relationship? What feelings and in what situations did you experience? How will you build a relationship now? What are you ready to concede? What can reduce the limit of your requirements? What kind of concessions and changes do you expect from a partner? How will you solve conflicts now?
If you can sincerely discuss all these issues and find a compromise – you have a chance for happiness!
What if you are separated with a Ukraine beautiful girl being in a distance?
To argue and quarrel is quite normal. Suppression of the feelings and emotions is something unhealthy. Sometimes your close people have bad days; you feel sorry for them and avoid quarrels, suppressing emotions. But often restraining feelings for a long time can lead to an emotional explosion, the consequences of which will be worse than you could imagine.
Try to fight with what bothers you at the moment. Focus on a specific problem. Don’t mix past and present. If you want to discuss any issue, focus on it completely. You have to be a team to find a solution to your problems. For convenience, you can make a list of the problems that you need to solve.
During a conversation, a misunderstanding can easily arise. It often happens that people differently understand the same words and this leads to additional problems. To avoid this, use your phone and webcam. The intonation of voice and facial expressions will help to understand better what exactly you want to say to each other.
None of you pick up the phone. No one wants to read the received messages. Be more reasonable. The quarrel can be very painful for both sides. Do not make it even more painful, trying to avoid or punish a beloved one. Remember – she can’t run to you at any moment to solve the problem because you are separated with a distance already.
During the fight there are some moments when you are not sure that everything you do is right. Stop arguing, listen to your Ukraine beautiful girl, and try to understand her, put yourself in her shoes, and give her and yourself a little time to think. Analyze your problems so that next time you do not make such mistakes.
What is the most difficult thing in a relationship at a distance?
The greatest difficulty in relationships at a distance is to remain a part of one another’s life. A funny case at work, an incident on parking, a small adventure in a grocery store – you may think that all this has no significance for your relationship, and a week later you will forget about it and it won’t make sense at all. But, when you share it with your partner, a feeling of kinship arises between you; you feel that you are a part of each other’s life. Maintaining this feeling is the greatest difficulty in relationships at a distance.
The biggest mistake in a relationship at a distance
Communication is very important for keeping being close. But some couples abuse it and try to stay in touch all the time. They stop talking with friends and relatives, completely devoting their lives to conversations with a beloved one. Lack of personal life is the biggest mistake that close people can make when they are separated.
Communication with family, friends and those who love you, is of great importance. Each of us sometimes needs to communicate with a close person face to face, touch her, hug, give your care, and smile to each other. Disregarding this need, you neglect yourself. Isolation from others can’t strengthen your relationship with someone who is far away from you. You can’t put your life in complete dependence on someone.
Being away from a loved one is always very difficult. Nothing can replace her complete presence in your life. Whatever you do, you will still miss her. Every time when there will be even the smallest events in your life that you want to share with him, you will feel how much you miss a loved one nearby.
But the relationship should not be complicated. Despite all the distances you can remain 2 halves of the whole, madly loving each other and sharing with your beloved everything that bothers you. You can have a magical relationship; you just have to want it and accept relationship advice.