WHAT YOU SHOULD EXPECT GETTING MARRIED UKRAINIAN LADY?
5 phases of Ukraine brides adaptation in a new country
Before you make a decision: “I want a Ukrainian wife”, you have to realize that many Ukrainian girls, getting married foreigners, face the adaptation problems in a new country. First of all, it is, of course, an adaptation to a new husband, with whom she will live under the same roof. In addition to learn the life and habits of the man she married, she will also have to adapt to her new place of residence. Some complain about loneliness, others can’t overcome the language barrier and feel that they are superfluous in a foreign culture, but everyone experiences a cultural shock.
Cultural shock is an emotional or physical discomfort, an individual’s disorientation caused by falling into a different habitat and colliding with another culture. The most common problems include information overload, language barrier, generation gap and deterioration in ability to adequately respond to external factors. There is no universal way to avoid cultural shock, because all people are different and react to changes in their lives in various ways.
The cultural shock of new immigrants is caused by a move to a foreign country and consists of several phases. Since people are very different, both by the psychological type of personality and by the level of preparation for life in a new country, not every new immigrant passes through all phases of cultural shock. Psychologists point out 5 phases of psychological adaptation in immigration of Ukraine brides: the euphoria phase, the tourist phase, the oriental phase, the depressive and, finally, the adaptation phases.
The phase of euphoria
1. The phase of euphoria is a certain “honeymoon” in a foreign country, when there are no changes in personal interaction with the environment, when cultural differences are not taken into account; the person is in a high emotional state, but he is passive enough in relations with the environment, he just gets pleasure from new impressions, it seems to him that something wonderful has happened to him and all life’s problems are becoming secondary.
During the first few weeks of staying in a new country, Ukrainian lady sees the world around through rose-colored glasses – everything seems wonderful and beautiful. She admires the world around her just as the newlyweds enjoy life during the honeymoon. Just arrived in a new country she likes almost everything: local food, customs and rhythm of life. She can feel happy that in any supermarket she can buy everything she needs for living, the prices for most everyday goods and food are lower than at home, and the first strawberry does not appear in May, but at seven o’clock in the morning when the shop is open. During the first few weeks, most new immigrants are excited about the new culture. However, like the honeymoon, this state ends sooner or later.
The tourist phase
2. The tourist phase. At this stage, the first encounter with external reality occurs, the rose-colored glasses fall off and often the emigrant at this stage experiences the first non-acceptance and rejection of his environment. There comes a disappointment. This is the most difficult period for beginners. About three months after staying in the new country, the differences in the old and new culture, which were admired in the honeymoon, may start to cause irritation. Such feelings are especially developed in people who can’t communicate effectively because of poor language skills. In addition, any differences in habits, customs, and laws can be an additional source of irritation and stress for new immigrants. It can be anything: from traffic on the roads to the size of the bill for services from a doctor or a lawyer. Memory begins to helpfully suggest that they had free health care at home, a subway ticket cost cheaper and they didn’t have to pay a thousand dollars a month for renting an apartment.
You need to really estimate the state of your Ukrainian wife and understand that it is caused by a fundamental change in the conditions of her life. Help her to cope with the cultural shock, so that it is much easier for her to adapt. It is necessary to try looking at life in a positive way. It is very important in this situation to be able to get a hint or advice from people who have already gone through all the phases of cultural shock and understand your feelings and the feelings of your new wife.
Sometimes, Ukrainian girls, instead of speeding up the process of adapting to life in a new country, do everything to slow it down. For example, they only contact with people from their native country, they don’t try to learn a new language, they continue to watch TV programs and movies only in their native language. Try to explain to your wife that she needs to adapt to life in a new country; to learn the language and communicate with local residents is vital for her.
The oriental phase
3. The oriental phase. A girl from Ukraine is guided in the structure of society, is interested in cultural customs and so on, she tries to understand where she got and is looking for a balance between her cultural habits and the habits of a new country.
The depressive phase
4. The depressive phase. This phase is considered to be the critical and the most difficult. The euphoria disappeared, Ukrainian woman suddenly realizes the depth of the abyss separating her from this community; she begins to experience numerous losses: loss of relations with her family, friends and the homeland, loss of the work, hobby or business she loved. She is always in pessimistic moods, feels discouragement; she sees everything in negative light and she starts thinking that she has made an erroneous decision by emigrating.
The adaptation phase
5. The adaptation phase. At this phase Ukrainian woman is actively live in a new society, assimilates new cultural traditions, habits, develops relationships with local residents, gets a job or finds something to do. Depending on the individual characteristics and the efforts made, most people begin to adapt to life in the new country in 6-12 months. They begin to understand the new culture, what can be expected in certain situations, how to solve the emerging problems effectively. All this leads to the fact that she ceases to feel like a newcomer and a positive attitude towards the surrounding reality begins to prevail again. At this phase, life begins to return to a more or less familiar way, as it was before she moved.
At the final stage, there is a complete overcoming of the cultural shock. A lady begins to feel comfortable in the new cultural environment and fully communicates at all levels. This doesn’t mean a complete conversion to a new society, especially for people who moved to another country at an elderly age. Immigrants very often retain their habits from their native culture, continue to speak English with an accent, and communicate in their native language at home.
In general, adaptation is a difficult and painful process for both partners. But passing through it, overcoming negative emotions, your Ukrainian wife will change her outlook and both of you will get a new experience and serious personal growth. And in the end your relationship becomes stronger.
How to help your Ukrainian wife to get adapted faster to your new country
What can be done to pass the inevitable process of adaptation more quickly and painlessly and make your dream “I want a Ukrainian wife” come true? Psychologists have several suggestions:
first and foremost, be aware that the reactions of your Ukrainian wife are perfectly normal and don’t hesitate to talk with her about them. Be prepared for the fact that her adaptation to the country will take some time. What you should do:
- Maintain her self-confidence and help to make your plans into reality.
- Visit your friends and neighbors more often and invite guests to your house.
- Be active together – it can be physical activity (swimming or yoga, dancing or gym), communicative activity – help her to talk to the locals more often, show her every corner of the place where you live.
- Propose your wife to engage in social activities. In each city there are communities whose members solve certain social problems together in their free time – they help to save old buildings, spend community work days, help homeless animals, etc. Participation in such projects will allow her to feel needed, will give her not only a new experience and new emotions, but also helps her to make new friends.
- Without learning the language, a full-fledged adaptation is not possible. Assist your wife in learning the language.
- The daily routine should be regular, every morning, getting up from bed, give her tasks what she has to do during a day or make a plan for the next day in advance. It helps to cope with depressive thoughts and teaches her to overcome difficulties.
Modern technologies and Internet have changed the nature of immigration. At first glance, it can be assumed that the ability to communicate via Skype and social networks, the availability of online TV and mass media makes the immigration process easier and more enjoyable. It creates a sense of closeness to native people and native culture, as if you didn’t leave your country.
Thanks to this, many people live for years in immigration, almost without being involved what is happening around them. Unlike their predecessors, who had only one opportunity not to remain in information and social isolation, it is completely immersed in the life of a new country. And this, actually, is the only way to successfully adapt.
Most importantly for you and your wife is to enjoy life and every moment of it.