Your partner doesn’t meet your expectations – Professional Dating Advice
Pretty Ukrainian lady doesn’t meet your expectations.
Each of us has the image of an ideal partner in our mind. We created this image in our childhood and we are searching for our perfect partner among the millions of people around us. However, not everyone is ready to accept that such a person does not really exist.
For those who have experienced a series of unsuccessful relationships, there is nothing worse being in a relationship, to realize that these relations will end soon. For those who are particularly vulnerable, this situation – doubts and dissatisfaction with their partner – becomes a reason to question the necessity of having any kind of relationship with the opposite sex.
However, in practice it turns out that chronic dissatisfaction and critical attitude towards your partner goes first of all to low self-esteem and fear to be disappointed, and not to all the incompatibilities that arise in the relations.
It’s not a secret that people who are inclined to overstate or belittle the characteristics of their partner’s character suffer from a low self-esteem. Their own dissatisfaction is equally inherent to those who consider their partner not good enough, and to those who greatly exaggerate their dignity. In the beginning of relations such people greatly overestimate their new partner. However, immediately after the partner commits the slightest oversight or makes a mistake, they lock themselves in, trying to dull the feeling of disappointment.
Critical people are those who need anything or nothing, who are not ready to accept a person with flaws, and who very often suppress their desires at the beginning of the relationship. However, soon the partner’s incompatibility with expectations comes to the surface with a stream of criticism and unspoken resentment towards innocent partner. And very soon the critical partner ceases to understand why he or she needs such non-perfect relations.
At the beginning of any relationship, it’s easy to be forgiving – it’s easy to forgive your partner for any failures and misses, simply because they are not important in the first stages, but time is running, and the partner still can’t meet your expectations. Too critical a person is not able to see bad and good qualities in people at the same time – he lifts his chosen one to an unattainable height, a pedestal, which he himself builds from his own illusions, and then pushes his loved one from there for the slightest misstep. Unfortunately, the relationship with such a person does not lead to anything – the final is sad for both and his self-esteem suffers very much from unflattering reviews of his beloved.
Often a person with low self-esteem, who knows himself as being critical, chooses a partner who does not initially correspond to his criteria of perfect partner, but accepts him with all the shortcomings and particular qualities of the character.
What to do if you want to find Ukrainian wife?
The best way to overcome the craving for an ideal partner is to remember past failures – if it is not the first time that you find yourself in a situation where the relationship breaks down, because your partner is not good enough for you, you have to understand that neither a person nor relations can be ideal. And instead of looking for a prince or princess, you need to think a little and realize that you will never get anything good unless you give up the desire to find a perfect partner. Forcing a person to match the set of your invented and completely unrealistic qualities, you thereby lead your relationship to a true catastrophe. And when it happens, none of the partners can understand that there is no one, in fact, to blame for it – they were just the same as they really are.
After you realize that the problem is not in pretty Ukrainian lady, who simply can’t be ideal, you should force yourself and extend your relationships for the line after which they usually end. Do not break the relationship immediately after you notice any imperfection in your partner – endure this moment consciously: this behavior will greatly expand the boundaries of your perception of the other person and your relationship with her. Yes, you will be annoyed by all its numerous shortcomings, but eventually you will realize that somehow she lived with them before. And even was loved. And you do not die from the fact that you live with such a person. Very soon you will get used to the shortcomings of your partner and stop noticing them.
Why do people annoy us?
More often we do not like in others what we do not like in ourselves, whether we have coped with these shortcomings or not. This crooked mirror constantly reminds us of our shortcomings and that we are not perfect. Trying to fix the other person, we thereby blame the mirror, thinking that by correcting the reflection, we will change our essence. Surprisingly, as a rule, we make friends with those who initially annoy us. And we often associate our life with those in whom we see our reflection: if a person is familiar with your shortcomings firsthand, if she accepts them because she has them too then she will accept you. So even if you really feel sick of the way your partner is chattering at a table or laughing in public places, look at yourself – maybe you had this habit before, but you could deal with it (or maybe you could not). And when you understand what caused your irritation, talk to yourself – experts say that the neurosis is not the one who clicks the pen, but the one who is irritated by this sound.
When a man and a woman get acquainted and enter into a relationship the first thing that happens they endow each other with expectations about what the partner should be and what he should do towards them. On this background, both partners are not able to notice a real person and if expectations are not met, different conflicts appear.
It is not uncommon to start the relations between men and women may be prompted by unrealized needs or unfulfilled dreams from the relationship with their parents. Therefore becoming adults on an unconscious or conscious level, we strive to satisfy them in a relationship with a loved one.
For example, if we do not have enough love, then we feel a “hunger” that starts the process of expectations and demands from a partner: constant unconditional acceptance, care, sex, affection and attention. If we lacked financial prosperity, then we can choose a partner who is rich and even if she is not, then we will expect her to be.
When we do not get what we want from the partner, we either suffer, but do not give up trying to get, or we escape from the relationship in search of a new partner hoping to satisfy our desires.
This is the main difficulty that can destroy relationships because not every partner is ready to replace our mom or dad and take responsibility for unconditional and regular response to our requests.
Often, partners do not pay attention to it and do not clarify what kind of ideas about the relationship each of them has.
Professional dating advice: what can you do to save the relationship?
- Talk with your partner about your ideas, about relationships and what you expect. Learn to listen to where your partner is willing to respond and meet your needs, and where she is not ready.
- Give freedom to your partner in his actions and accept discrepancy to your expectations. The safety, life and depth of your relationship depend on if you know how to do it.
- Stop taking on your personal account the partner’s inability to respond to your need. It is always important to compare your expectations with the reality and capabilities of another person. The refusal of your partner may not be connected with you, she may not be able to satisfy your need right now, not because you are bad or you are rejected, but because she can, for example, be sick or work, or she is in any of her emotional processes, or simply does not want to do it (and she has this right too).
- Focus on yourself, on your business and hobbies. Learn to satisfy your desires on your own, if your partner can’t satisfy them at the moment.
- The knowledge appears only with experience but we hope that our professional dating advice will help you to understand yourself first of all, find Ukrainian wife and build a loving relationship that lasts for many years.